Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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