Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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