oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
