We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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