I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
