There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Damn victory sex feels great
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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