Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
