god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
