I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
