lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
