this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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