ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
