i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
