i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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