As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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