im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
