I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
