Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
