Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
