Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
