i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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