I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize