I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
