If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize