Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So squirting runs in the family.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
