oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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