I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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