You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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