are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
