That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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