if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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