i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she looked like the before picture.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
