Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
we're so committed to being not committed
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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