i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
