I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
