Your mouth is God's brothel.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
