oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
