The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
