so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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