His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
