Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
