i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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