Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
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Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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