i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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