phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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