whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
