I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
