so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
