dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
