Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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