he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
