I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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