Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
