Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
