Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
