My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
