My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
