I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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