Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
