i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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