they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
