she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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