Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
