The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
