I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
