we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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