I puked a lego.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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