A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize