The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
